Here's To a Brilliant and Wondrous New Year!

The Holiday Season is always a fun, busy and crazy time of year. This year it seemed as if the holidays flew by and I didn't accomplish as much as I thought I would. Christmas cards are one thing I enjoy putting together, but we missed them all together this year. Driving around viewing Christmas Lights or watching a tree lighting ceremony, were also on the bottom of the priority list. And as you probably noticed, I have neglected posting anything for some time now.
Playing "Catch Up" is not fun, or my style. I usually have everything done so far ahead of time, I don't have to think much when the time arrives.
I have been up to my eyeballs in School, Sports, Ballet, Tiny Tykes Events/Story times, and Girl Scouts. Girl Scouts so far takes up the most time, who knew so much training and paper work came along with Teaching and Guiding Little Ladies to become wonderful Young Women. I know all of the work will be worth it, and being so OCD could be a bonus(Because I like things a certain way, so paperwork, planning, and organizing are a breeze).
OCD? You ask, yes, I am that person to make my bed every morning, not just make it, but to make sure the corners are perfect triangles then tucked under the mattress, I'm the person who cannot stand a dirty refrigerator, so it is scrubbed down weekly. My kitchen and bathroom floor are probably clean enough to eat off of. I cannot pass the dining room without rearranging the chairs, and the closets are color coordinated and arranged so you can find exactly what you are looking for in a matter of seconds. And I am that mother who dresses my children alike each holiday, and every time we are out and about(I too dress in similar colors).
So, my crazy eye for detail, my mind full of imagination and creation, and my organization work together to make a fun, exciting leader. Although I have been really busy with Scouts, we did find a day to visit Universal Studios Grinchmas (See photo of my children dressed in Red and White-I too was wearing red and white). We had a great time(always a plus when you are able to visit in the middle of the week and it feels as if you have the park to yourself). I think that even though we passed Christmas Cards, we made sure to do community service by singing carols to a few retirement homes, we visited Build-A-Bear Workshop to make a bear and donate it to children at CHOC who are battling illnesses, and we attended the Christmas Eve Service and minimized the material things and were able to reflect on what the Holiday Season is all about. I still plan on making Holiday Cards, to start a new tradition of New Years Wishes. A card to Celebrate the year that has gone by, and to embrace the bright and wondrous future to come.
Here's to a New Year filled with community service, helping make the world a better place, and watching my kiddos grow in to wonderful, strong, people.

Back to School

School is back in session, and I cannot believe my Big Guy is in Third Grade and my Little Lady is starting Kindergarten! Where does the time go?! How can they keep growing soooo fast!
Our morning started off with a splendid breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Then we sported our new back to school styles, and strapped on our bookbags and were out the door. I love walking my kiddos to their classrooms the first day of school, I love to watch their eyes light up with wonder and excitement as they walk into their new classrooms and greet their teachers. Drop off was as smooth as can be, big hugs from my little lady, and a simple smerk and a "mom, I'm in class. I have to focus" from my son. Nothing stopped me from snapping a few photos and planting HUGE kisses and hugs. Then I was off home to make some tasty 'back to school' treats and prepare after school activities.

ONE

One full year ago, you entered into the world. You looked up at me with two little eyes and held onto me with two little arms, from that moment on I knew you were a perfect piece to our puzzle. You watch me and you learn, I also learn from you. You grow leaps and bounds, you help me to grow too. You are just one little person, but you make a BIG impact in my life. Before you were here, I wondered how everything will work, you showed me the unimaginable is possible. You are amazing, and today you are ONE, you are still patient, inquisitive, loving, and the sweetest little baby ever. You light up a room when you enter it. You have a wonderful little laugh, and you LOVE to give applause. You are a sweet delight and I am blessed to have you.

Is it June, Already?

It feels as if school just started. The weather is warm, with a cool morning to welcome the day, I lay out our clothes and pack and pack a special lunch the night before, and when the sun peeks in through the shutters we wake up and start the morning rush. Wake up. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Make a cup of coffee. Toss in a load of laundry. Run the dishwasher. Tie our laces. Grab lunches. And head to the car. Drop off #1 preschool. Drop off #2 elementary. Next stop run errands and go for a morning walk. Come home and do chores.
Every morning the same routine. It is amazing that some mornings seem to go off without a hitch, and others seem to slug along and *presto* 10 months of doing the same routine flies by and we welcome June. The weather is warm, with a cool morning to welcome the day, the beginning of June has been about the same as the beginning of September. The only difference has been, the stacks of paper in their book bags are not asking for information, rather sending home arts, crafts, stories, samples of writings, end of year party requests and summer school information, graduation announcements, recital invitations, awards, and invitations to upcoming summer birthday parties.
This year my big guy finishes 2nd grade, and did a great job at his piano recital. He grew so much and still LOVES languages, presidents, money, and math. On the iPad he is learning(starting with numbers) Spanish, Italian, German, French, Mandarin, Japanese, and Portuguese. He enjoys counting US money, as well as learning and discovering money from all over the world. I really feel his love of money has helped him with all of the above categories. He is 8 1/2 going on 25. At this rate his knowledge will just skyrocket and grow, the sky is the limit.
My little lady will be wearing her first cap and gown, she is graduating preschool. She is quite the social butterfly. She loves to make friends, and socialize, she can also be a 'little' dramatic. She loves to doodle and draw, sidewalk chalk is a MUST in my household. Puzzles, books, board games are a close second tied with play-dough and music. My little ballerina loves to dance and be creative. Her ballet recital was a success, and she danced so beautifully. I think next year we may just have to sign her up for ballet as well as tap.
My little man is going to be ONE! He just LOVES water, bath time, pool time, sprinklers, whatever water he can splash in he just LOVES! He doesn't play with "baby toys" (you know, all of those 'must haves' you see in the store that try to sell you on bright colors, and 'children friendly' textures) nope, never really liked playing with those. He has a few footballs, soccer balls, baseballs, basket balls(either plush or real balls) and he LOVES them! Any bucket and or real pot or pan, and ANY kitchen utensil. He will watch me in the kitchen and loves to watch me cook(read:LOOK WHAT MOMMY IS DOING WITH WATER) and also to help with dishes(read: MUST SPLASH IN WATER), loves to help with laundry(read: LOOK WATER),   okay, so aside from water, he really loves books. He will just flip through the pages of any book, he is happy to sit independently and "read, read, read". The book can have pictures, or just words.
He doesn't walk yet, but he can get around and boy is he fast.
Now that school is a week from being complete, ballet and scouts are complete, and my little man's first birthday party is 85% done with the planning process. Graduations are coming up, Fathers Day is around the corner, and June is the month for weddings. The 10 weeks of summer will fly by and September will be here with fresh book bags, pencils, binders, and new classrooms. And the cycle will start all over.
Time Flies when you are having fun!
Hope you have a Fun and Safe Summer!

Invisible

I got this email this morning and I couldn't have received a better gift. The challenges and triumphs of motherhood have been leaning hard toward the "challenging" side lately, and it's been weighing heavily on my mind.

Take the time to read this if you will.... I promise it will inspire you.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The Invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "what number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."


I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?


One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from the fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."


In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work; No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God  saw everything.


A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof; No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."


I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."


At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.


The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.


When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My Mom get up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're going to love it here."


As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.



God Bless and Enjoy Another Great Day!!!

The Only Fighting I Welcome

When I see flush cheeks, sluggish appetites and lazying around I know visually it looks like my children are in need of rest. But underneath the facade of sleeping their body is hard at work.
I look closer and see tired eyes, drained faces and a red little nose, then I hear a gurgle in their cough and catch a sneeze with a tissue and know these fun sounds are the bodies way to help expel the congestion, the feel of fire all over their head and neck is the fever that's fighting an infection, and the amount of kleenex and empty water bottles all over the couch shows that although the cold is underway, it also is proof that their bodies are doing exactly what they were built to do.

There are times I feel helpless and I do my best to make them as comfortable as possible, pack the fridge with plenty of fluids, and take the frequent trips to the store to pick up chicken noodle soup and the fixin's for a grilled cheese(once the appetite is back in full swing it is a great complement to any soup) and stock up the hall closet with paper goods(tissues, tp, etc.) and good old vitamin C. I know their little bodies are hard at work, fighting a war at a molecular level, trying every trick to regain their health. I don't usually like to visit the doctor unless the war has gone on too long, or it is too big of a job to do alone. Sometimes a little Tylenol is a big relief for a never ending headache that was brought on by a high fever. Or maybe the culprit is bacterial and therefore needs extra forces of antibiotics to knock them out. But I generally believe the body will be able to fight less complex wars all by itself.

After a long day of sleeping on the couch, waking up occasionally to have a sip on hot tea and a bowl of soup. Then mastering an uncomfortable night of tossing and turning covering up with blankets and kicking them off again. Waking up refreshed healthy and brand new, it is just a wonderful thought that our bodies were made to take on whatever challenge comes our way! I welcome this fight every cold and flu season or whenever small germs lurk in dark corners, our bodies can take it, bring it on!

Happy New Year!

We welcomed the new year with fabulous friends, an easy bake oven, Disney Headbands, and prime entertainment. We always get together and celebrate the year that is gone, and dream of what is to be. 2012 was a roller coaster to say the least, but we made it. I am a proud mother of three amazing children, I survived a soccer season with two kids playing and one on my hip, I baked cupcakes, team snacks, took photos, and cheered on two teams. I watched my daughter dance, and my son earn his first awards for cub scouts, and I praised my baby as he first rolled over and sat himself up. I exclusively breastfed(not a single bottle) for a solid six months, I also started making my own baby food. I also beamed with pride when my oldest came home with "Student of the Month" twice in 2012. As we enjoyed our sparkling cider we laughed, and reminisced on how fast the year went by. And we made our plans for the new year, I made a small list of new year resolutions, items I believe I can keep up with all year long:

-go on my four mile walk every weekday
-follow through with what I tell my children
-make more time for "me" time, and time with family and friends
-take more photos, and live in each moment

It is not much of a list, but I am sure I can keep up with it. Every year I make resolutions that sound fantastic on paper, but applying them to every day life was not impossible, but impractical.
I know 2013 will fly by too, and there is soooo much to look forward to; ballet, scouts, weddings, first birthdays, school programs, sports, milestone birthdays, the list goes on...
I picked simple but obviously reasonable resolutions that I know I can keep. I have my new calendar/monthly planner ready to start filling in important dates, reminders, classes, vacations, volunteering opportunities, you name it- it will be on there. The more events, the better. I love to be busy! Bring it on!

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

Days blend into one another, time seems to tick-tock slowly, and then blink...

Six months have flown by, you roll over, sit up and are ready for your first bite of solid food. your smiles beam and glow all day long, a big toothless grin, your are so proud of yourself in each of your accomplishments and you are over all a happy-go-lucky guy.
I pick up my 21 pounds of joy, you are quick to grab my face and pull yourself in for the routine "million kisses", you love kisses. You even try to pucker up, instead you shower me with raspberries.
You are constantly studying the world, it is a very interesting and busy world. You are patient, you play with the wipes while I change your diaper, you watch me while I make dinner, you smile as I wipe the extra food off of your face and hands. You are a wonderful little guy, and you are growing waaayyyy too fast. It seems as if it was only yesterday we brought you home, and put you in "newborn" clothing, today you are only six months old and you have been wearing size 5 diapers and 12 month clothing for a month and a half. You love your brother and sister, and they are mesmerized and simply adore you. You light up when they come into the room, if you are in your bouncer you jump and giggle and smile, you just cannot contain yourself. I love snuggling with you, nursing you, kissing you, reading to you, running errands with you, doing everything with you, I just love you!
I am enjoying each and every moment that goes by, I cannot wait to see what the next six months has in store!
You are my love, my joy, my everything.

My Heart is Broken for the Families In Newtown, Connecticut

Everyday I make sure to hug and kiss my babies as much as possible. Today I hugged and kissed them as my face flooded with tears. My heart broke for all of those families who lost their babies and loved ones this morning in the Connecticut Elementary School Shooting this morning.
As I held my children we recited the Lords Prayer:

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

How can someone splash terror and horror over those families and all of those children??? How can someone just take innocent lives, how can someone look at a young child and knowingly take their life?? Not only did parents lose their babies; a future of smiles, laughter, birthdays, graduations, weddings and the unknown; but small innocent children who did survive witnessed pure evil, these are images no child should ever have to see. 

There are just 10 days until Christmas, this should be the season of giving, the season of hope, dreams and love. The sounds of beautiful Christmas songs should be filling the air, I couldn't think of any, for five minutes we were all quiet, then "I heard the Bells on Christmas Day" filled out little huddle:

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

As I hugged my children, and their puzzled faces at my display of affection, their innocent questioning as to why I was in hysterics, and their patience with me as I loved and sang to them. I couldn't imagine any of them being gone forever. In the back of my mind, a flashback to when my brother passed away, a memory I can never erase, I remember my father coming home from work, his face red and wet from tears and him dropping to his knees to hug and kiss us. I've only seen my dad cry a few times in my life, and never like that. I don't know what its like to loose my own baby, but to lose a new, young life just hurts my mind and body and especially my heart.

This horrible event shouldn't have happened. Not now, not ever. Virginia Tech, and Columbine shouldn't have occurred either. I wish our children were growing up in a world where sadness, tragedy and horror did not exist, I wish they would all grow up with the feeling of peace and the would would be a safe place all of the time. This Christmas song describes the sound of the sweet bells chiming over all of the hopelessness and despair that exists. And although there is sadness and horror in the world, the bells of Christmas are joyous and Gods presence is true. There will be peace here on Earth and good will toward mankind.

My New Man

The past few months have been quite busy, we finished up first grade, had a ballet recital, completed the tiger trail and welcomed a new man into our world.

The last month has been filled with little to no rest, gazing into each others eyes, walks around the block, and it is so easy to get lost in each moment. Tommy and Annaleah LOVE him, they love talking to him and introducing new things to him. I love going out and about with him, cuddling with him and I love spending all of my time with him! I cannot believe it has only been a month, but it seems like he has been here forever, he is just perfect with our family. I never imagined life could be this wonderful, where has he been all my life?!

I am proud to have three great children. If you were to ask me a year ago if I was going to have any more children, "I have two, that's one for each hand. No more for me." would be the most likely answer I would have given. Here I am today, I look into my new little man's bright eyes, watching him study my face and the world around him, feeling his strong hands grab and hold tight to my fingers, the sleepless nights, the tiny clothes and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Unwrapped

After a busy weekend with a flooded dining room, two handy men, one plumber, six children, regular everyday chores, late nights and early mornings I decided to just curl up on the couch and watch the television. Anyone who watches television during the day will know there is really nothing on. So I sit there watching the reruns of some food network shows I have already seen then a new episode of "Unwrapped" comes on. Finally something new! I was very excited! This episode was a hot one, from chewy fireballs to extreme hot sauce and chocolate that was so beautiful with a blast of heat I was glued to the television. Now, I have had some really random cravings lately but when I saw a dish that was served at the Cheesecake Factory I had an urgency to try it. I needed to get in the car and drive to the restaurant as quickly as possible to try this chicken, shrimp hot pasta dish!
Usually when I watch television or see something that I would like to have, or eat, I am pretty patient. I can wait for something to come in the mail(having the mail/delivery truck drop off a package is like Christmas to me), I can wait for the clerk to ring up an item and package it up and I don't even peak in the bag until I get home, and I can order food to go and not snack on the french fries in the car when driving to my destination. But something about this episode and that dish made me so impatient that I had to go get lunch! Once we arrived to the Cheesecake Factory we sat ordered beverages and I quickly asked the server about the item I saw on the show. She pointed it out, and let me know it has a strong kick and lots of heat, she also said it was very good and I didn't pay attention to anything she said, other than "it is a popular item and it is very good" I ordered it!
When the Cajun Jambalaya Pasta was placed in front of me I was utterly delighted and couldn't wait to dig in. The Delicious Chicken and Shrimp with sauteed onions, tomato, and peppers coated in a spicy Cajun sauce served over Linguini was just wonderful! Absolutely Brilliant! I even decided to balance out the dish with a slice of cheesecake, the smooth dessert after a spicy hot meal was a perfect way to have lunch! I will be going back for seconds, thirds, etc. Thanks to the show "Unwrapped" and having a Cheesecake Factory nearby it brought a silver lining to my otherwise overcast weekend!

April Showers Bring May Flowers

The weather this April was really odd. Random days of showers that were followed by days of warm sunshine and then the misplaced overcast days tossed in between. This month has come with joy in a new baby in my circle of friends and the celebration of birthdays. April is also a great month because of Earth Day and Arbor Day! Since I finally have a small yard(oh how I have missed having a place for the children to play outside) this year we are going to be planing a garden. Some beautiful flowers that Annaleah picked out will be planted, as well as a few edible additions will be added to the garden. Now I would never classify myself as a green thumb, but I think this will be a new adventure worth giving a try(mainly because I am tired of looking at dirt).

I have always recycled as much as I can all year round because I believe Earth Day should be celebrated year round. I do as much as I can to 'reduce, reuse, and recycle' and the best way to teach children is to lead by example. Tommy and Annaleah love to take in cans, bottles and paper with me. They also like to donate and pass around toys and clothes that they do not need or use. This not only helps keep the house orderly, but also helps out others that can benefit from items that are no longer in use. Doing our part will go a long way for keeping our world clean and beautiful!

Arbor Day is a separate day in April and is a different holiday than Earth Day, it is a day to plant and care for trees. Arbor Day is a day to celebrate nature and all of its wonder! To be outside and to listen to the birds, and feel the breeze, and to be close to our world. I think it is a holiday that is easily overlooked and often combined with Earth Day. If you have the ability plant a tree this year and help it grow.

Enjoy the last week of April and welcome color, fragrance, and nature in May.

As Mom's, We Have Been There

While catching up on world, local and celebrity news on msn.com, a page caught my attention. "Confessions of a Scary Mommy" An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood The Good The Bad and The Scary. By Jill Smokler

I just thought I would share, because we have all been there(or will be)....

"There are a million ironies in motherhood: The day you decide to change the sheets will inevitably be the night your child wets the bed. With a million toys in the house, your baby will without a doubt prefer to play with pots and pans from the kitchen cabinet than with any expensive learning game, and your kids will always fall asleep early for the sitter who gets paid by the hour to entertain them. It’s unfair, uncool, and unjust, but, unfortunately, it’s the way it is. Perhaps, though, the biggest irony out there is that despite never actually being alone (can you remember the last time you peed in peace?), as a mother you can feel totally isolated.
"A few years ago, I was a stay-at-home mom to three kids, ranging in age from a newborn to a four-year-old. I was living in a new house, in a new town, among unfamiliar neighbors. It was lonely and overwhelming and I was bordering on miserable. A fellow mom from down the street stopped by our house to introduce herself and ask how my days were going. Half joking, I responded, “The baby is a bit of an asshole, but he’ll grow out of it. We’ll survive.” The look on her face was enough to let me know not only that I had offended her, but that we would not be spending our afternoons commiserating together. She had three young kids, as well—was she not going slowly insane, too? "Did she not long for an afternoon without kids wiping snot on her jeans and a baby spitting up constantly? Did she not lock herself in the bathroom, ignoring the whining on the other side of the door? Apparently not. Or she faked it a hell of a lot better than I was able to.
We like to paint motherhood as a picture-perfect experience, filled with idyllic children and beaming mothers. A perfect newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into the loving arms of his mother, who is smiling proudly and wiping tears of joy from her cheeks. A mother’s long, blond hair trailing in the wind as she holds hands with and runs alongside her beautiful, impeccably dressed children. A mother and daughter sipping tea and painting each other’s nails, telling each other their deepest secrets and dreams. A mother leading Girl Scout troops and chairing PTA events and fluffing her daughter’s prom dress before her nervous date knocks on the front door.
"Those moments of motherhood are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between. What if that baby never latches properly and breast-feeding becomes a nightmare that results in both baby and mother sobbing for hours on end? What if instead of happily reading together with her child for hours, the mother of a tough toddler wonders, just for an instant, whether there is something more to life than puzzles and ABCs? What if a mother, once her teenage child leaves the door, breathes a sigh of relief that the drama is temporarily on hold and drinks a glass of wine alone in the bathtub?
"Do these things make motherhood any less perfect? Of course not: they make motherhood real.
Motherhood isn’t a chain of wondrous little moments strung together in one perfectly orchestrated slide show. It’s dirty and scary and beautiful and hard and miraculous and exhausting and thankless and joyful and frustrating all at once. It’s everything. Anyone who claims that motherhood is only the good stuff is simply in denial (or she’s on some serious drugs). Admitting that this job isn’t always easy doesn’t make somebody a bad mother. At least, it shouldn’t.
"We’re all on this ride together. We are not the first ones to ever accidentally tell our children to shut up, or wonder — just for a moment — what it would be like if we’d never had children. We aren’t the first mothers to feel overwhelmed and challenged and not entirely fulfilled by motherhood. And we certainly won’t be the last.
"Nothing can be lost by admitting our weaknesses and imperfections to one another. In fact, quite the opposite is true. We will be better mothers, better wives, and better women if we are able to finally drop the act and get real. Who are we pretending for, anyway? It is my hope that no other mother feels as alone as I felt those first few months of motherhood. There are millions of us mothers, all feeling the same way, all across the globe. All we need to do is find one another.
Scary Mommies of the world, unite!

The Scary Mommy Manifesto
Please solemnly recite the following before proceeding:
I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood, for without it, I recognize that I may end up institutionalized. Or, at the very least, completely miserable.
I shall not judge the mother in the grocery store who, upon entering, hits the candy aisle and doles out M&M’s to her screaming toddler. It is simply a survival mechanism.
I shall not compete with the mother who effortlessly bakes from scratch, purees her own baby food, or fashions breathtaking costumes from tissue paper. Motherhood is not a competition. The only ones who lose are the ones who race the fastest.
I shall shoot the parents of the screaming newborn on the airplane looks of compassion rather than resentment. I am fortunate to be able to ditch the kid upon landing. They, however, are not.
I shall never ask any woman whether she is, in fact, expecting. Ever.
I shall not question the mother who is wearing the same yoga pants, flip-flops, and T-shirt she wore to school pickup the day before. She has good reason.
I shall never claim to know everything about children other than my own (who still remain a mystery to me).
I shall hold the new babies belonging to friends and family, so they may shower and nap, which is all any new mother really wants.
I shall strive to pass down a healthy body image to my daughter. She deserves a mother who loves and respects herself; stretch marks, dimples, cellulite, and all.
I shall not preach the benefits of breast-feeding or circumcision or homeschooling or organic food or co-sleeping or crying it out to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business.
I shall try my hardest to never say never, for I just may end up with a loud mouthed, bikini-clad, water gun–shooting toddler of my very own.
I shall remember that no mother is perfect and that my children will thrive because of, and sometimes even in spite of me.
From Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood — The Good, The Bad, and The Scary by Jill Smokler. Copyright © 2012 Jill Smokler. Published by Gallery Books.

29 Weeks and Still Flat as a Pancake

Many people are shocked that I am as far along as I am, they give me a confused look and ask "first baby?" I reply "third". I have sometimes received disgusted looks, or the occasional "I hate you!" from other mothers and once a woman told me about the show "I didn't know I was pregnant" and how she didn't think that was possible, but after meeting me she was amazed that some people like myself just don't show.

Every women I have ever met who was expecting have beautiful pregnant curvy bodies, or at least they look pregnant. I get the same feelings as all of those expecting mothers- fatigue, soreness, aches and pains, plus I feel all of the kicks and squirms of my little bundle, I just experience it in my size 3 jeans for the whole 9 months. I do laugh at people who think I must be WAY skinnier before pregnancy, nope I am the same size. Some people think I deliver really tiny babies, but each of my babies have been tall, and healthy. I just carry them in a fashion where they hide. I did wish for a while this pregnancy would be twins, then I would actually look pregnant. But there is just one little bundle in there.

Some of the perks of being really tiny during pregnancy are delivering a baby and automatically having a flat tummy, and working off very little extra weight and being back to my normal self in no time. Sure genetics play a huge part in how I carry a baby and heal after delivery, and I am so grateful for great genes! I just wish other women who are beautifully curvy during pregnancy would be more understanding we are all in the same boat, and going through similar changes and moods. We all want to be healthy during pregnancy, we all are working towards the ultimate goal a happy healthy baby.

Heaven is...

Heaven is here on earth, it is the magical feeling or special place where the feeling of "I've been here before" takes over you. Its the little things that make us smile when the everything seems to be in turmoil. Heaven is the faith, hope and love that keeps you going even when you feel like you have hit rock bottom. It is the "wow" moments, the special people that come into your life, and the memories you have left behind. Heaven is all around us, all of the time.

Heaven is moments like the few I have listed below...

Having a lady bug land on your little girl, and watching her squeal with joy. Then she gently places the little red gem on green leaves nearby and recite "he wanted me to put him down so he can feed his family lunch." The great outdoors and being closer to nature whether it is a picnic and play date at the park, a nature hike, a camping trip or so much more... this is one of the many sides of heaven.

Making cupcakes for the soccer team is a fun task, but not nearly as fun alone as it is with your best friend. Whipping up a rich chocolate batter, adding in a cup of chocolate chips(and snacking on some as you go along), laughing, having a grand ol' time just chatting about kids, husbands, and all other nonsense. Best friends are special, and I believe no place can be heaven without a best friend... now, who gets to lick the spoon??

I believe everyday is a talent show in Heaven, everybody has something they are great at, and everybody has something they enjoy doing. Each day a stage is presented to us, a place for us to preform our daily tasks and do our best. Some of us find talent when we are younger, and some bloom later in life. The challenge is to find what you are great at and embrace it! If it is more than one or two things, accept the challenge and juggle all of your talents. You will find that you are not alone, many share similar talents as you, and this will help your bonds with your friends(even if they are related to you) grow stronger.

Respecting the classics helps you to slow down in this fast and changing world of technology. Sure, technology is amazing, and it seems there is a new phone, faster network, better television set every week. Bigger is not always better! Rewinding and reviewing how things are made, or what the "big hit" was before the DVD is a treat we can share with our children. And watching their eyes light up when we present the VHS player, a record, or a roll of film that is a great feeling. Teaching history is not only important for the future, but also for appreciation. Appreciate the little things like real sugar instead of processed foods with all the 'extras', or the time it takes to develop a roll of film in a dark room, and when you slow down you will notice a fast moving world that you are now educated about. So pull out the walk-man and "walk" down the street, bring out the hula-hoop, grab the side walk chalk and play hop scotch, or just jump rope. Aaaahhhhh the classics!

Family meal time is precious for busy schedules. The "face" time you get with those around the table is time you can never replace. The time to put work, school, and extra activities aside and connect with those you hold most dear. A delicious Sunday breakfast, a well balanced dinner, it is amazing how food brings people together either cooking in the kitchen, or eating what has been prepared. It is a special time when we turn off our phones, shut down to the rest of the world and open conversation, laughter, and create a tradition of enjoying something so amazing... family.

Heaven is where love grows, watching my amazing children grow everyday from the day they were helpless infants to big, smart, and oh so stubborn but amazing children they have so far become is a wonderful journey. I love watching my big boy discover the world we live in through cub scouts, expand his knowledge and education at school, and develop his coordination and team skills with soccer. I adore watching my little lady dance as if no one is watching in ballet, and cannot wait for her to start school and her first season of soccer this fall. They change and grow so much in such a short period of time. I cannot wait to watch them grow with more extracurricular activities through out the next few years and watch them metamorphose into young adults and soon have families of their own... This is truly heaven!

Continuing on with my amazing children... One more bit of heaven is feeling every kick, squirm, flip, and push of a new little stud muffin forming in my abdomen. I cannot wait to meet him. The miracle of life is proof heaven exists here on earth. Yes, sometimes he causes indigestion, sore ribs, and achy muscles, but those are growing pains I wouldn't trade for the world. He will be amazing, just like his Big Brother and Big Sister!

My family is a healthy size- my parents, my 9 siblings, my six going on seven nieces/nephews( and that is just the beginning), my grandparents, my husband, my children. They make heaven sweet. I am impressed by my grandparents, they never skip a beat and remember my children's(and my sisters children's) birthday's. My parents are the best, they love spending time with their grand kids, they record all of my favorite shows, they give awesome Christmas presents(like the soft serve ice cream maker or the "Yonana's" healthy ice cream maker... Ice cream is an amazing treat, but to make different types of 'healthy' ice cream is just phenomenal!). My sisters are each unique, and fabulous people, they are great to get nails done, or go to lunch, borrow clothing, you name it... I love spending time with them. My brothers are interesting characters, and unless you are related to them you wouldn't be able to fully understand them. They can be intimidating, but they are marshmallows on the inside, and I love them anyway.

If there was a place where you can be yourself showing off your personality, interests, and silly creatures that bring tremendous joy, where people love you regardless of your habits and shortcomings, this is Heaven.

Memories, feelings, thoughts. Life is full of so much emotion, I know Heaven exists here on earth. What does your Heaven look like?

Let there be Light

Simple amenities are taken for granted every day. We don't realize how easy life is with the appliances and extras we use each day. If you ever had to hand wash and line dry laundry, or use coin laundry you will appreciate a washer and dryer you have in your home. If you ever had to have a cooler packed with ice(even for a week) to keep items cold because you didn't have a refrigerator at that particular time, you learn to love the big box that lives in your kitchen. If you never had a VHS player, or DVD player or even a 'box' to watch movies or television on, looking at a big box with moving, talking pictures is mesmerizing. Other 'goods' we seem to think we cannot live without include the stove, oven, microwave, and something all of the above have in common... ELECTRICITY! It is amazing if you live without electricity for a short period of time how much fun you can have, and where your attention goes.

Electricity was not commonly available until at least 1930 so how they lived before this time seems ancient or unbearable, but they did it. Scrubbing their clothes and lining them up on the close line to dry. The first refrigerator to see widespread use was the General Electric "Monitor-Top" refrigerator introduced in 1927, the compressor assembly, which emitted a great deal of heat, was placed above the cabinet, and surrounded with a decorative ring. As the refrigerating medium, these refrigerators used either sulfur dioxide, which is corrosive to the eyes and may cause loss of vision, painful skin burns and lesions, or menthol formate, which is highly flammable, harmful to the eyes, and toxic if inhaled or ingested. Many of these units are still functional today. And that big box you watch with moving, speaking and bright colored pictures we commonly know as the TV, were  commercially made television sets were sold from 1928 to 1934 in the United Kingdom, United States, and the Soviet Union. The moving pictures were not always moving, color, nor were you able to hear them. Television has come a long way too!

I have lived the last few years without a washer and dryer. I have had to hand wash and line dry, and I thank my parents for letting me use their washer and dryer!! But on rainy days it is not ideal to wash clothes, and with all of the time I used to do the work, I missed having my own washer and dryer. And since the move we have been doing okay surviving without a refrigerator and freezer. I never realized how much I took that big amazing box in my kitchen for granted. It is not impossible to think of meals that do not have to be refrigerated, we can have oatmeal for breakfast, pasta for dinner or it is okay to splurge once in a while and go out to eat. Television is a treat too. I have missed filling up the hour to prepare dinner with a fun movie or a show that distracts the children so I can make sure dinner gets on the table at a reasonable time. Sure playing a game or fixing a puzzle or just having quiet time so I can feed hungry little people is possible, but I did miss the television.

Needless to say, after missing all of these amazing appliances and extras that require electricity are amazing and help make life easier, I did enjoy waking up with the sun and getting into bed before the natural light shut off. I loved camp fire style dinners on a blanket with a lamp. I was able to focus more on my children and make up stories and fun games and just have more creative time. We even would pretend we were living in a different time period: medieval times, 1800's, out in the great outdoors, you name it we played it. I think every once in a while I will "unplug" the house and reconnect adventures, I think the only thing that will stay plugged in will be the refrigerator- we wouldn't want the food to go bad.

Getting Ready for a Move

Here we are again, packing boxes, wrapping up dishes, eating all of the food in the ice box.
Moving is so overwhelming, you carefully decided what you can and cannot live without for a week or two, and you pack up the rest. Fingers get sticky from all of the tape that is sealing all the boxes of prized possessions. Dust appears from thin air. And the ice box and pantry look like you have been neglecting your grocery shopping.

Our house is going through its changes, and each day it looks less like my home and more like a storage yard. Trash bags filled with things to toss, things to donate and give away and boxes, lots of boxes, of things moving with us. Each time we have moved we have downsized enormously! I have a rule, if you have not used it in two seasons then it is time to let it go. Many of the things I thought I needed or thought I really wanted are heading to the donation center, someone somewhere will be able to use it.

It is hard to realize that we are moving again, the silver lining is Tommy will stay at the same school, the same den, Annaleah will stay in the same ballet class, and we will move before the new baby arrives, and we will be settled before the fun events of the summer take over the calendar. I look around each place I have lived and I always get sad. Even if I have lived there a short while, I get sad. Yes, moving, and getting a bigger location or going somewhere new is exciting, but a part of me misses what I called home. I remember moving out of the Fullerton house when I was a child, we were moving to Yorba Linda, and I remember how we got to sleep in the new house as we were moving in, it was exciting. But on the flip side, I remember walking down the long hallway to the girls room looking in the closet remembering how my sisters and I would climb up the built in closet shelves and pretend we were 'swimming' in Ariel's grotto and singing all of the songs from 'The Little Mermaid' . I remember the pink shelf unit that had a little cut out so you didn't have to reach around into the shelf to turn on the light. I remember the boys room and my parents room(I loved the corner windows in my parents room). I remember the living room and the amazing brick fireplace and hearth, I love the fire place. there was a little area where my dad's desk sat in the living room but off to the side, and the piano right by dads desk. I remember the tiny dining room and the gallery kitchen, the enclosed patio, and the big but not too big back yard with a deck and a tire swing. I remember when my dad built the deck. There were great memories in the little house in Fullerton. But we closed that chapter and started a new one in Yorba Linda. I love my parents house in YL. HUGE backyard, swimming pool, our pony Cookie, the girls lived in the 'off limits to boys' upstairs, the great kitchen, living room, and family room. I was sad when I moved out. I secretly was excited that I was able to still visit. Now, I have lived in a handful of locations since then, and here I am again getting ready to move.

I do wish that someday in the not to distant future I will be able to ground my roots and stay planted somewhere. A place that my children can build memories, and have a fun childhood, and be free. Free for their imagination to soar, free to run around and stretch out, and free to remember their happy childhood. After all, you only get one childhood.

I know that this next location will last a little while, and while it lasts I know we will make the best of it, but I cannot wait to have a place to call 'ours' again. With all of the dust, the tape, the carpet cleaner, the bare cupboards, and tons of boxes and trash bags everywhere we will make the most of it. Hey, anyone up for jumping into the box with packing peanuts??

Look Who's Four!

Has it really been four years?! So much has changed just in four years. I brought you home and you were so small, only 7 lbs 1.4 oz. You had big beautiful blue eyes that all of the nurses said were going to change, but they stayed the same. You always wanted me close by but wanted your space, and you are still the same to this day. You always loved books, puzzles and games. You still do. Four years flashed by and you are growing into a beautiful little lady more each day!

You love the library, watching you at story time is a joy! You dance and sing and get right in there. Then when it is over, you could hang out in the library flipping through books for hours if you wanted to. You love to dance, you love ballet. Maybe it is the tutu's, or the big bows, or the shoes... its gotta be the shoes. You work on your plie, releve, tendu, passe, saute and you are so steady and you try your best to match the teacher exactly, you are a very determined little girl in most everything you do. You also love the park-running, jumping, climbing, sliding, swinging and getting all of your wiggles out you are full of energy. It takes a lot to tire you out.
You love your big brother, and he adores you. You two are the best of friends and always have been. If you have a disagreement it is short lived and then you two are back to laughing, whispering, and planning... always planning something, from inventions he wants to sell, or how to get past me to get a bottle of water out of the fridge. Its water, I will let you have it.
You love Starbucks, a trip to target will end with a quiet break at the in-store Starbucks before we have to get home to unload our goodies.

You have your father wrapped around your little finger. He loves you so much, and you decide when you want him around, or you will let him know when it is just "girl time" and you will hold close to me. You love girl time, a trip to the salon for a mani/pedi, or just snuggling with me with a stuffed animal(it has to be the giraffe) and a good book, or just playing Barbies(you love your barbie dolls). But either way, he loves to spoil you. And you love to cuddle with him. You are Daddy's little girl.
You love to visit your grandparents, you adore Grandpa, and Oma is a fun buddy to go buy shoes with. You love all of the animals at their house, and you love animals that are not pets too. Sea World is your second favorite family outing location, and Disneyland is your most favorite. You love the princesses, and you cherish Mickey Mouse(I had very little to do with influencing you).

You love fashion, pretty dresses, fancy jeans, cute tops, sunglasses (you even remind me to pass you some, so the sun doesn't hurt your "pretty blue eyes"), purses and shoes... you LOVE shoes. I really think you always had more shoes than I. You are so smart, funny, independent and all around a wonderful little girl. I am happy you are my little lady! Happy fourth birthday my lil luv bug! I cannot wait to watch you grow more independent, more beautiful and more amazing every day!

I have the Best Friends!

An African proverb states “it takes a village to raise a child”. Children need to be socialized and brought up in a community.

I am not an island, although sometimes as a mother of two I feel alone or I am doing everything by myself. The reality is I have a HUGE support system of fantastic friends that are most likely going through similar, if not the same things I am!

My circle of friends continues to grow, friends with children, friends without, friends that live close by and friends that live far far away, friends that are related to me, friends that are related to friends!

Everyone has their own opinion, their own perception and their own way of doing things. It is so fantastic to hear new ideas or to bring light to a certain point of view I was missing.

 Without friends and family my bridge of life would come crashing down because they are my keystone that holds it all together!

I love, cherish and appreciate all of my friends they are truly the village in my live and more the merrier!

Friends are the family you choose for yourself! Without friends and family my bridge of life would come crashing down because they are my keystone that holds it all together!